Monversation/ Thoughts

The Silent Intentional and Unintentional Goodbyes

It’s been a while since I wrote a thoughtful post, sometimes the subjects are rather heavy and I decided to narrow it down to once a month. This particular topic came up when I connected with a friend–I had not spoken to in years.

In life people often come and go, there are seasons. Sometimes some people come into our lives and leave a huge impact. Even though you may have felt hurt by them, they still taught you something and when things were good–they were really good. When they were present we did not notice how much we relied on their wisdom, presence and demeanour. Other times , they are the people that would make us laugh until we cried, others were hardly ever available but always showed up when it really mattered.

Then life changes happen, you lose touch and now and then these people come into your mind. You wonder how they are–if they are well. The guilt of not keeping in touch consumes you as you also may have a rough season. In some cases probably treated them poorly without realizing it. Then harbour resentment when the other person thought that you should have made the move or vice versa.

Time flies and when you finally meet there’s that awkward uncomfortable silence, if you’re lucky. In another scenario you get a bitter email where far-fetched notions or somewhat true of who you are is shoved in your face. When all this could have been averted by a question,  “Why didn’t you get back to me?”

People often forget that when they were in their worst or best day, this people they resent were there for them when no one else was. What if this person needed you? What if this person wanted you to be there for them like they were for you ? What if this person did not have the heart to tell you their pain? What if this person was exhausted and burnt out and did not want you to give up on them like they didn’t on you?

Everyone has different baggage’s but just that thought of someone stepping up to say, “I haven’t heard from you in a long time but I am thinking of you.” That message could meant the world to them.No pressure!

Why do relationships have to be complicated?

There are some people you go for months or years without speaking, and when you catch up with them it’s like you never left. Others try to make sense of their reality while others just move on.

There are some people that leave your life and you say– Thank goodness!

There are others who leave and you realize things will never be the same as there is a void in your heart. Others may have been in your life for a short while but have a major impact.

What do you want to be remembered for?

Of course no one is perfect but have you noticed that sometimes people’s attitude towards you, may be exactly how you may unconsciously treat others. Others may not bother with you because you may always criticise or say negative things to them. So they are exhausted.

Others may be in a negative space and are usually positive but cannot handle being upbeat all the time. Sometimes people just need space or understanding. Whatever it is, do not take it personally because at the end of the day it is not about you.

Cherish the moments that they were there for the good, bad and ugly and never forget that. Honour it! Let go if you have to but do not let resentment consume you over matters that could have been sorted over a conversation. Other times people move on in life but never forget the kindness you showed them. That kindness may have just saved their lives.

There are two lines from Rumi that I love

“The beauty you see in me is a reflection of you “ –Rumi


“You transform all who are touched by you.

Mundane Concerns, troubles, sorrows dissolve in your presence,

Bringing Joy to ruler and ruled to peasant and king.”– Rumi

In a world where there are ugly things happening, remember to try and have compassion for people as you do not know what battles they face behind their smiles or demeanour. Try to be impactful and not detached.

Someone out there may need it!


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