Monversation/ Podcasts

My Dirty Little Secret

It’s been really quiet over here. I bet you have wondered whether; I gave up blogging all together. That is further from the truth. I had expressed the need to connect with you on a deeper level. I was not feeling that I was. So when, I started the Monversation Podcast. I did not realize, I was actually going to literally birth THE monversation. The podcasts have been going on and are also available on iTunes  and I am already on season two! I also had a wine event. I had put all my time and energy into it– I had to choose. Do I write? Do I work on my goals? So the blog had to suffer.

Even in darkness the stars still shine

Even in darkness the stars still shine

Yes, I decided to branch out and create a space where you could connect with me by booking time with me for safari, wine tourism and life strategy. I know you want to travel. I know you want to have experiences that will last you a life time. I know you are out there, feeling stuck and want to move forward. I can help with you that. Hold your breath for why…

I was tired of hiding who I was and you having the perception that all is rosy, when really my life wasn’t all that rosy.  Someone told me that my digital life seemed intimidating. It got me thinking. Just because I chose to selectively share the good times, people still had the perception that I am good. In reality my life was upside down for the past 3 years and it’s only, recently when I have felt I can heal and think clearly.

I remember once, someone wrote to me for help because I had a “health section” on my blog. It got me thinking. How many times do we go through life, oblivious to others suffering and feel that we need to box things into sections. I appreciated them considering me, but at that time I did not want to deal with illness. I had dealt with it for two and a half years. Even though I was in pain, I had to force myself to stay positive. People were relying on me for my positivity, my strength and my support. I had no time for self-pity, pity or meaningless interactions. I needed to save my strength.  Sometimes, we need to rise above everything that’s thrown towards us.

My “health section” was me writing about my life, my pain. The couple I wrote about was my parents. My father did not want people to know he was sick, and I kept his identity a secret because those were his wishes.

A year and half later, I can talk about it but its still feels raw. I am always thankful for those that showed up when I needed them, unknowingly and knowingly.

I got a message from someone, I used to know that knew my dad had passed on when it happened but ghosted me. Then on seeing me, decided that it was appropriate to send their condolensces over a year later. Expecting us, to pick up where we left off. There are times, when you miss on an opportunity to reconnect. Just let go. There’s nothing as insulting as people who try to connect with you based on their guilt or trying to make themselves feel better. When the sensitivity of the situation was too complex to bear or fathom. I have no hard feelings–I prefer to move forward and live. Not feel obligated to exchange niceties, when I am not in the mood to. I reserve the right to be without obligation when it comes to my personal life.

I haven’t written about travel either in a while, because as much as I tried to stay in the moment. I couldn’t wrap my head around certain things. To lose someone that close is not easy. People say it gets better with time. The only thing I can promise, is the missing never ends.

I share with you one of the best advices I was given by dad on my podcast that was released on 13th of February. We shall catch up on season 1, do not worry.

Remember to sign up for updates. I know some of you are signed on through your blogs but I may have some wonderful surprises for you.

Cheers and happy wine Wednesday wherever you are, let’s commit to living.

Namaste,

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